Youth

My mom always tells me, "Youth is wasted on the young." I get where she's coming from because she misses her youth and all the great things that came with it. But honestly, I don't feel like I'm wasting my youth. I know one day I'll look back on this time and wish I could have it all back, but I'm really trying to embrace it and love it and just soak it all in. I've never been one to look forward to the future that much anyway because it terrifies me. 

I love those nights where you have no plans so you just grab some buddies and do some stupid stuff. I love waking up every morning feeling hopeful. I love not having wrinkles or gray hair or saggy skin. I love (and hate) not knowing where the heck my life is going. I love this weird stage of life between adolescence and real adulthood. 

That being said, I'm going to make it a goal to embrace every stage of life I enter into. God has seen fit for me to live another day and that is something to celebrate. Life is cool. So is my friend Steve. He can do a backflip (and a quarter of a front flip after that!) Watch this video of hood rat stuff.

Also, I have this favorite blog that I have followed for many years and I think she's a good example of embracing the stages of life you enter. Check it out! http://www.thedaybookblog.com

Remote Meeting

Our group, Mercury Consultants, met remotely using the Google Chat function. I had never used it before, but we got through the meeting pretty seamlessly. All of us felt kind of self-conscious being on screen when the camera would switch to us, so we all decided not to look at the video feed. We had tabs open on our computers for our various notes about the project so we didn't need to look at the video anyway.

The only trouble we had with it was that the sound was very echo-y towards the end of our call. Though it was a little annoying, it didn't hurt our meeting too much. In the future, I think that I will feel more comfortable using video chat/meetings. It was almost a fun experience!

Tiny Adventures

I'm home for the weekend and that  means I got to help decorate the house for Christmas. When I was a kid, I LOVED setting up all the decorations. Still do! So I went out to the shed to get the various boxes and lo and behold: I found my brother's longboard. It sat there and mocked me for being a chicken and never taking it for a spin.

Ok, so I don't board. At all. I was always jealous of people who were good at any type of boarding activity, my brother being one of them, but I was bad at it. I wondered if I only thought I was bad at it, though, because had I ever actually tried it? Not really. When I was a kid, I'd hop on my brother's skateboard and then get scared that I'd lose my balance so I never really gave it a chance. 

So I dusted off that old longboard and started inching down the driveway. Then I took it to the sidewalks and the street, too. I lost my balance. I had to jump off of it a lot to avoid mailboxes. I looked stupid. Yeah, I still kind of sucked, but not as much as I thought I was going to suck. I tried something new and that's cool because trying new things helps you grow and I am all about growth. And you know what? I saw myself improve and learn things about it in less than 15 minutes. 

Anyway, I had a few ulterior motives for riding the longboard for the first time, but one of them was that my accounting class is requiring me to write a paper about my experience going on an adventure/doing something I normally wouldn't do. So I thought about it and realized that adventures don't necessarily have to mean you're going to the mountains or the open sea or something. They can take place in your own driveway, at the dinner table, or in your own head. I think that the act of trying something new is an adventure in itself. Just experiencing things for the first time is so cool and it's adventurous to get a little outside your comfort zone.

There's a Universe Inside of You

You know that inspirational picture of an iceberg that shows the top part that you see above water and then the massive part that you can't usually see underwater? Well, that's a real thing. I remember my life science teacher had it hanging on the wall when I was in seventh grade. If you don't know what I'm talking about, look up "inspirational iceberg picture" in Google and you'll understand. I could post it here, but I'm feeling lazy.

Ok, now you know what I'm talking about because you looked up the picture. Well, people are just like icebergs. The surface that most people see is only a tiny fraction of the entire iceberg. You have no idea how big that iceberg actually is when you see it's little peak floating along in the water. You have no idea how big a person's personality and thoughts and emotions are just by looking at them.

I was driving around town with a friend I hadn't seen in about a month and we were just catching up, and I realized that I didn't know him as well as I thought I did. In those few hours, I kept learning new things about him and realizing quirks about his personality that had never occurred to me before. I couldn't believe how little I actually knew about this person I called a "friend".

I also realized that I am probably an enigma to some people, even my friends and family. They might not realize that I'm an enigma, but I am. I think that of all the thoughts and feelings that go through my head on a daily basis, I express maybe 15% of them to others. I don't realize how little I share because, well, they're my thoughts and feelings and I recognize them silently. But then I start talking about someone or something and I come to the realization that I've kept a lot of those thoughts inside.

People are so complex, it's crazy. There's so much depth in every living soul and that's what gives us so much value. We are God's children so of course we are deep. One of my favorite song lyrics says "there's a universe inside of you" and I need to try to remember that when I'm talking to people. There's so much to know about a person and everyone deserves to feel like they are worth learning about. I'm going to try to express my feelings and emotions a little more, maybe bump it up to 20% or something crazy like that.

Anyway, I'm curious: what percentage of all the thoughts and feelings that run through your head do you think you actually express?

On The Wire

I'm a sucker for a good metaphor. I honestly think you can turn anything into a metaphor for something else if you think long enough.

Well, this week I saw these shoes hanging from a telephone wire, and I love those shoes (Vans Sk8-Hi's).

I was a little tiny bit outraged that someone would throw the best shoes ever over a telephone wire, never to be worn again. But here's my little metaphor for you. Actually wait, this isn't a metaphor, it's more of a life lesson (which is all I ever seem to preach talk about on here). Scratch the beginning of this post, it doesn't have to do with this picture. Or does it? I don't care, you decide.

But ok here is what I actually wanted to say: Maybe the person who threw those shoes over that wire did it because the shoes reminded him of his ex-girlfriend who broke his heart and he never wants to see them again (note: he lives in Salt Lake so he won't be back here anytime soon). Or maybe whoever did it has decided to go against societal norms and never again will wear shoes. Or maybe he is an artist and thought it would be beautiful and profound for only a reason he knows. Or maybe it was a drug dealer indicating that he is selling dope nearby (isn't that what it's supposed to mean?) 

Honestly I have no idea why those beautiful shoes were on the wire. And it made me realize this: we often see what we want to see. I love those shoes so I thought whoever would waste them is a dummy. But we usually don't know someone's full story. We only know our own. If we aren't so quick to judge, we can appreciate the beauty of a person, whatever the situation we're looking at may be. Now that I look at this picture, it looks so melancholy but beautiful at the same time and I love it. If we're not so quick to judge others, we can see their beauty.

Also, here's a survey about these shoes. Who likes 'em?

https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/T6LGFT3

Ready or Not?

I'm in Moab, Utah right now with some of my best friends. They went skydiving and I stayed on the ground.

A couple weeks ago, my friend Michaela brought up the fact that it was going to be her birthday soon and she wanted to do something big. Skydiving. I have never ever ever ever wanted to go skydiving. I hate heights. It did not sound like a good time to me so I said that I'd go along, but I was not jumping out of a plane.

So there we are at Skydive Canyonlands at 10:30 am and all my friends are up in the sky and I start to get major FOMO (fear of missing out, if you didn't know). Why was I being such a chicken? When they finally came down, all of them were so stoked on the rush of it all. I was so jealous.

So I decided that I would do it. Not this year, because it is so cold now, but next spring, I plan to.

I think that it's ok that I didn't go this time. I wasn't ready and I might not have enjoyed it because I hadn't mentally prepared myself. But now that I've seen it happen and I actually have the desire to do it, I think I'm ready.

It's ok to not be ready for stuff, whether it be skydiving or whatever you're thinking of right now but feel too scared to do. But once a part of you actually wants to go do that thing you're scared of, you should work up the courage to do it. I don't actually know 100% what I'm talking about because I just realized today that I actually do want to skydive, but I think it's important to do things that you want to do (ya know, as long as it's moral and good and stuff). And doing things that scare you helps you grow.

Improvement

I am a stressed out individual. I try to act like I'm chill and collected, but underneath that facade is a seriously nervous, high strung, anxious person. I guess I shouldn't label myself as that, because I'm not that way in the summer when I don't have school, but the added pressure of school and homework and my future just raises my stress level. A lot.

This week, like it probably was for so many other BYU students, was so stressful. I'm taking Accounting 200 and it's the worst (at least it is for me). With most classes I've taken in the past, I can get a handle on it pretty quickly and understand the content without to much trouble. That's not the case with accounting, though. I completely bombed the last test. Like, we're talking a 35%. It was terrible. But I was determined to not do that on this week's test so I spent hours in the library, making sure I understood the main concepts. I took the test this morning and, well, I still got a D, but my score almost doubled from last time! Honestly, I've never been so happy to get a 64%.

I guess that's all we can do. Improve.You're not going to be good at everything in this life and you're not going to like everything either, but that's ok. All you can do is work hard and try to be better, and then appreciate your handwork. Instead of looking into the future and seeing how far you have to go, look back and observe how far you've come. Give yourself a high five (this looks like you're just clapping your hands, but it's cool). Can you believe how much you've progressed and learned since you were a baby? It's kind of amazing. Then, imagine how much you can improve on and on through eternity. Life is so cool and so is the gospel and you just have to take it one little piece at a time.

Guilt

When I was a kid, I had such a guilty conscience about everything. If I did the tiniest thing wrong, I felt terrible about it for days, sometimes weeks or more, and it would eat away at me. I remember one day as an eighth grader, my friends and I ran on some newly planted grass at our church and we might have messed it up a little. I was so upset with myself for doing that and I would try to think of scenarios where I could fix the situation. Nothing worked though and finally I just told my mom and cried about it and I think she became pretty concerned with my guilt-ridden behavior. She sat me down, consoled me, and told me that it was ok. What I had done was not bad at all (I can only imagine what she thought I would say and the surprise and relief she felt when it was all about a bit of muddy grass). She told me that I didn't need to feel bad about it and she helped me see it from a wider perspective.

I remember that moment vividly and laugh at how I thought I was so horrible for running on grass. Since then, I have come to reality and I feel like I might have a more normal level of guilt, but sometimes I still beat myself up about small things I've done. I get so torn up about things and then I tell others about what I feel guilty about and realize that it's nothing. The Atonement also helps me come to terms with my imperfect state of being and right my wrongs. Without it, I think I'd be a total wreck. Through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, I truly feel cleansed of my sins and my worries and guilt-ridden feelings are washed away.

Jesus Christ is real and so is the Atonement. I believe in it whole-heartedly and I encourage anyone who reads this and suffers from a guilty conscience (whether for good reason or over-active sense of perfectionism) to talk to God, give Him your concerns, and believe that Christ's Atonement covers all.

Don't Be Such A Princess

It irks me when people call me "princess". I feel like it makes me sound prissy or weak, two things that I never want associated with my name. Maybe some people like it or think it's cute, but to me, it's always sounded like a bad thing to be a princess. 

Basically, what I'm realizing this week is that it's important to not be a wimp. If someone asks you to do something, you better not flake out. If you have the chance to help someone out but it requires you to get a little dirty, you should do it anyway. Don't be afraid to try new things or step a little bit outside of your comfort zone. I know that's annoying when people say that, but you won't grow as a person if you're constantly saying "no" or passing up various opportunities. The world can be scary, but it can also be amazing.

If you love princesses and you have a different connotation of them, I'm sorry if I have offended you in any way. I know some people might have a really positive idea of the word and I should be more sensitive, but by-golly, this is my blog and I can say what I like. Anyway, what I mean when I say, "Don't be such a princess," I mean don't be up there sitting in your tower, waiting for the world to come to you. Don't be entitled. And definitely don't expect others to do things for you. You are responsible for your own happiness and growth in this life. 

This was kind of an aggressive post. Sorry, sometimes I just have to get up on my soap box, but I'll get down now. You're all beautiful and I love you and I guess you can be a princess if you really want to! Just be a good princess!

Bravery or Stupidity?

I can't seem to stop thinking about this question: Am I being brave, or am I being stupid? It might seem obvious in some cases, but not so much in others. For example, if you decide to go cliff jumping for the first time, is that bravery? I guess it depends on the circumstances. If, by doing it, you're conquering your fear of heights and you've thought it through and you know that you probably won't die, then maybe it is brave! But if you don't think about your actions and their consequences at all, is it still bravery? Or is it stupidity? Maybe it's both? Maybe bravery requires a little stupidity because the logical mind doesn't like to take risks?

I'm starting to think that bravery doesn't necessarily mean that you have to risk your life, but you do have to risk something. But that brings me back to the whole stupidity thing. It might be stupid to risk it if you're not going to potentially gain something from your actions. For example, if I finally decide to tell my friend that I like him, I'm risking our friendship for something that could be potentially better. But that's the thing: it might not work out and maybe it's stupid to put a good friendship at risk for that. Then again, maybe it's the right thing to do for growth.

This post is really just a lot of thoughts swarming around in my brain that I'm having a hard time organizing. Bravery is such a complex topic and I'm kind of regretting even writing about it because I don't want to simplify it too much. I don't think there's a formula for it, or even a line that can be drawn between bravery and stupidity. It's fuzzy and, when it comes down to it, everyone will probably have their own interpretation or definition, but ultimately, here's what I think: To be brave, you are seeking to risk something for some kind of worthwhile improvement to your life or the lives of others. Now that I've gotten this sort of soft conclusion, I'm going to try to apply it to my life more. If I'm ever having a hard time making a decision, I'll ask myself if it will positively influence myself and/or others. I'm also going to try to listen to my intuition more because if I'm in tune with myself, then I'll probably be able to make better decisions for myself. What's your definition of bravery?

Overthink Much?

If you were to look up the word "overthink" in a dictionary, "Lindsay's brain" would come up in the description. Seriously, I overthink everything: my relationships, things I've said to people, things I've done, every little thing. My supervisor offered me a pop tart at work the other day and I thought about what that meant for a good 15 minutes. Does he think I'm hungry? Does he like me more than the other lifeguards? Do I look like a pop tart type of person? If I don't want it, should I still accept it? Is it rude if I tell him I don't want it? Will that damage our relationship? You get the gist. It doesn't help that all I do at work is sit on the guard stand and stare at people. There's lots of time there for thinking and boy, do I! I think another contributing factor to my overthinking is my introverted personality. If I suddenly get really quiet, I'm probably overthinking. 

I'm trying to snap out of it though because I realized this week just how twisted my thoughts can get. I have this friend who I haven't seen in a couple weeks and my crazy brain led me down this path to the thought that he was annoyed with me or he didn't want to be friends with me anymore. I explained my thoughts to my roommate/best friend and she pointed out to me how dumb that was. I realized that I was wrong, but I still couldn't shake the feeling. So I decided to take action and pretend like we were friends again and, guess what. We're still friends! We hung out and it was like nothing had changed at all and I realized that the only thing that had changed about our friendship was in my head. 

SO. I am going to make a commitment try to catch myself when I start to overthink. If I have a thought like, "Oh, this person doesn't like me because I said this," or "I am the worst because I did that," I'm going to stop myself. I'll take that situation and act like someone did/said that to me and I'll probably realize that it's not such a big deal. Most of the time, we beat ourselves up about things we do that we would never judge someone else for. I'm still working on it though and I'm wondering: Does anyone have any other suggestions for how to combat overthinking? I'd seriously love to hear them!  

Change of Plans

When you hear someone say, "Change of plans...", do you get excited or nervous? A growing sense of curiosity or dread? How do you view change?

I'm a planner. I like agendas and meal plans and schedules and I'm not ashamed of that. I wouldn't consider myself a control freak, but I like to know what to expect and I like it when things go my way. Lately, in my spare time, I've found myself mentally sketching out my weekend plans or thinking about how I can alter a situation to make it go in my favor (I realize that sounds a little more like "plotting"...). Anyway, oftentimes, I'll expect my day's events to happen a certain way. This week, though, nothing really seemed to go as planned. Here are some examples:

1. Expectation: It was my friend's birthday and I was going to bring him his present and chat for a little while. Nothing big.

Reality: His girlfriend had planned a surprise birthday party for him and created a Facebook page for it, but I hadn't checked Facebook in a while so I didn't know. I found out about it after it started, when another friend called me to ask where I was.

Reaction: This change of plans threw me a little because I felt left out, even though I had been invited. Additionally, it was difficult for me to make myself go to the party because it wasn't on my terms. Does anyone else have a hard time adjusting when plans change? I do. BUT, I decided to go anyway because, well, you should go to your friends' birthday parties. It's just what you do.

I was glad that I went and got to see my friend, and even though it wasn't a super-special moment for me, I hope it meant something to him that I came. 

2. Expectation: I got a ticket for stopping too far over the line at a stop sign a couple weeks ago. I went to the court to pay it, expecting it to cost $60, maximum.

Reality: My ticket is going to cost me $120, plus $60 if I want to do traffic school (so I can avoid getting my license suspended). That blows.

Reaction: I was not happy about that. However, I remembered that I had a check for exactly that much money that I hadn't cashed yet and had nearly forgotten about. Even though I would've liked to spend that money on something nicer than a ticket, I also felt like it was a little gift from God. I don't like to throw the term "tender mercy" around too often, but the fact that the ticket and the check were the exact same amount felt like God was looking out for me.

I have a bunch of other examples of things not going the way I wanted them to, but I'll spare you the gory details. I guess the point of this post is just to say that life doesn't really go the way we plan. It's in God's hands and we are basically just strapped into His roller coaster. So, be flexible. We can't control a lot of what happens to us in this life, but we can control how we react to the high speeds and unexpected turns and blood-rushing-to-the-head loops. We can choose to recognize God's hand, even when it's difficult, and that's possible because God is everywhere.

Hi, I'm INFJ. What are you?

On Thursday, I took the Meyers-Briggs "16 Personalities" quiz and it COMPLETELY ROCKED MY WORLD. I don't know if I'm just really behind the times, but it was probably the most accurate personality test I've ever taken (and I reallllllly like personality tests). How have I never known about it before? If you haven't taken it, I highly recommend it because it's just so eerily spot on.

So this personality test asks you a bunch of questions about yourself and you rate how much you agree or disagree with them. Then, the results tell you about 4 categories: if you are Introverted or Extroverted, use iNtuition or Sensing, favor Thinking or Feeling, and if you're a Judger or Perceiver. Then these words make up your personality's acronym. So, I'm INFJ, meaning I'm Introverted, iNtuitive, favor Feelings, and a Judger. They give an explanation for what each word means and to what degree you do those things. Then they have pages and pages of explanations about your personality type in relationships, friendships, as a parent, your role in the workforce, in the world, etc. It's so interesting! So, if you're looking for a way to get to know yourself better, I suggest you take this test. https://www.16personalities.com

I learned that my personality type is pretty rare. Only about 1% of the world has it so, yeah, I'll be signing autographs after this (lol). But seriously, when I was growing up, I always felt kind of different from most of the kids my age. I felt like I was supposed to be an extrovert, but I just couldn't do it. I felt like maybe something was wrong with me because I often felt drained of energy after a social gathering and just wanted to go home the whole time. As I've gotten older, I've realized that more people feel the same as I do about being introverted and I've discovered that it's not a flaw. I've also discovered and developed new parts of my personality and this test's explanation of me was just so helpful.

There are other people like you, but you are still pretty unique. You're not alone, but you're also a very special individual. Everyone is. Isn't that cool?

Life Thoughts

Four long, confusing, emotional semesters at BYU and several mental break-downs later, I finally decided on a major and made it MyMAP official. Never before had I changed my major on paper because it always felt too restricting, too set in stone. Even though the rational part of my brain knew I could make a new change whenever I felt like it, the irrational part feared that I'd be signing my life away to some unknown entity that would tie me down and steal my identity and force me to work at a job I would forever loathe. I know. It's irrational. But seriously, I could never bring myself to change my dang major -- until now.

Over the summer I realized that it was finally time to buckle down and just pick major. I decided on Landscape Management, veering far from my previous health care path. I wasn't completely sure about it but I enrolled in the classes anyway. This week, I fell in love with it. I look forward to every class and actually enjoy the material I'm learning. I can see myself actually doing this work in the future and enjoying it! That's a complete shift from my mentality about nursing or dietetics or anything of the like. It's an amazing feeling to actually look forward to the future; something I've never really experienced.

I don't know what that means for everyone else. Maybe it's about not settling. I used to hate it when people told me not to settle because how was I supposed to know if I was settling? Now I realize that the only way to fight the dangers of settling is to experience life. I also used to hate when people told me that because I didn't know where to start. So recently I've been trying to say "yes" more frequently. The more I say yes, the more experiences I get and basically my horizons have broadened a lot. I am not in the place I thought I'd be a year ago, and for that I am so grateful. One simple yes decision I made back in May has led me to new friends, new experiences, a new career path, and a new outlook on life. I don't know if it was sheer luck or Divine intervention, but I know that life is supposed to be beautiful and if we are open to it, we allow it to unfold for us.

Caution: Labels

Hi internet, nice to meet you! I'm new here *we shake hands*. The name's Lindsay, but my friends call me Londsay. If I like you, I'll even let you call me Lon, hence the name of this blog. Also, did you notice that "Londsay" has the word "say" in it? And this blog is about what "Lon" has to "say"? Yeah, I know. So clever and so awkward! #wordplay 

Since this is my first blog post and it's a real class assignment, I feel very self conscious about my grammar. It's for a grade and the whole class gets to read it and they're supposed to judge me? Yikes! How am I doing Dr. M?

Speaking of judging, first impressions have been on my mind a lot recently. All my life, I've been told  that I shouldn't judge people, but that's kind of difficult. Judgment is part of human nature, right? At times, it's even necessary for survival, right? If I'm walking down a street at 2 AM and a possibly shady character is heading toward me, I'll probably cross the street so I don't get shivved. That person might be the nicest guy in the world, but my instincts tell me to scram. Did I judge? Yeah, but it was for my own peace of mind. So here's a little conclusion for you: There's a difference between being judgmental and using your judgment (I'm sure all of you have thought this before, but sometimes I come to these small epiphanies where I gain a deeper understanding of a cliche I've always heard and I guess this was one of those times).

So. Using your judgment to keep you safe/healthy/happy = good! Being judgmental = bad. Glad we covered that.

I've noticed that there's also this judging-limbo-thing that isn't necessarily good or bad. I meet someone and make an assumption about him or her, be it positive, negative, or neutral, and it's almost always incorrect. I find that usually when I think we'll be great friends, we aren't, and when I think we won't be friends at all, we get really close. That was the case with the last two sets of my roommates. As I look back on most of the relationships and encounters I've had with people in my late teens and early twenties, this seems to be the case. I misjudge. Talking to others about this topic, I've come to another conclusion that usually, everyone's first impressions of people are usually incorrect to some degree.

People are so complex. I find myself (and others) labeling everyone, but that's not a wise thing to do. We are a fluid species, constantly changing our emotions, abilities, and personalities. Additionally, being LDS, I believe that human beings are the literal children of God and they have the potential to become like Him. That being said, how can a man be labeled by a single feature, when that feature is only a small portion of his entire existence? I guess what I'm trying to say is this: giving someone a label is like putting them in a box and refusing to let them out. Labels hinder growth and growth is the purpose of being alive. From now on, when I meet someone new, I'm going to try to keep an open mind and observe them, but not place a label on them. For the people who I already know, I'm going to rip off the labels I've placed on them. I think that breaking that binding will allow them to flourish a little bit more and everyone deserves room to grow.